Allyship: All Aboard? What It Really Means to Be Invited on the Ship

The other day, I posted a short video celebrating something simple but meaningful: a gender-neutral washroom at an organization I was visiting. I shared it as a small example of how inclusion shows up in everyday spaces.

Then the comments rolled in.

One person asked, “What if a handicapped person needs that?” and followed up by saying, “Being trans is not a disability, being in a wheelchair is.” I responded by clarifying:

1. All the bathrooms were accessible to mobility devices.

2. There are disabled trans people. It’s called intersectionality.

3. Transphobia isn’t a good look on anyone.

Rather than engage thoughtfully, they replied by calling me “Captain Condescending,” told me not to “shit where I eat,” and warned me not to “f*** with [my] own community of allies.”

So let’s talk about that.

Allyship is the best ship to be on—but you don’t get on just because you call yourself an ally. You have to be invited aboard through consistent action: listening, learning, showing up, and doing better when you know better.

Allyship isn’t conditional. A marginalized person doesn’t have to be nice to you, thank you, or make you feel comfortable for you to stand up against their oppression. Even if you think they’re “condescending,” you still support their basic human rights. This isn’t about pleasantries—it’s about justice.

We all fall off the ship sometimes. What matters is whether you’re willing to swim back, climb aboard, and keep doing the work.

And to anyone who’d rather call me names than reflect on harm caused?

It’s “Princess Patronize,” please and thank you.